Healthy or not, criticism can be tough for most couples because it’s a conflicting psychological phenomenon. Some people know how to communicate and express their concerns in a relationship. But at times, relationship concerns are likely to come across as criticism.
It’s quite challenging to have healthy and constructive communication when your relationship is filled with criticism. And that’s because criticism often feels like a harsh judgment, personal attacks, and blame. However, carefully expressed criticism and complaints can help mend unhealthy relationships.
Unlike in the past, finding love isn’t that hard if you leverage the best dating sites review. But you need to do work on conflict management for healthy relationships. To help you hone your skills, here are a few healthy ways of criticizing your partner without creating a relationship conflict.
- Focus On Giving Healthy and Constructive Criticism
When you want to criticize your partner, make sure to approach the issue at the most appropriate time. Starting the conversation as soon as your partner gets home is not healthy and may lead to heated relationship arguments.
Before you decide to criticize, always question your motives. For instance, look at the underlying problem and figure out if it deserves to become an issue. And instead of generalizing and criticizing your partner’s entire personality, focus on a particular trait. So instead of telling your partner they are not fun to hang out with, say you’ve noticed their disinterest in parties.
Regardless of the issue at hand, always focus on the positive side of things. Surprisingly, this is among the healthy relationship characteristics that most couples fail to remember. By framing your words positively, you make your relationship more open to healthy feedback. Remember that this is a two-way process for healthy relationships, and you should give your spouse appropriate time to table their perspective.
- Be Open to Receive Constructive Criticism and Healthy Feedback
When your partner is offering feedback or healthy criticism, try to listen with an open mind. For most relationships, one serious issue that jeopardizes growth is the unwillingness to recognize personal faults. And while we may feel defensive, it’s best to understand that it’s not your entire personality that’s on trial.
When most people are under healthy criticism, they tend to react immediately without reflecting on what they’ve just heard from their partner. You should endeavor to ask for clarification and specifics so that you can understand what makes your loved one upset.
In most cases, a partner on the receiving end of healthy criticism may naturally avoid further inquiry into the matter. But we fail to realize important healthy relationship facts –exploring the issue deeply will not escalate the conflict. Instead, it helps diffuse the misunderstanding because your spouse feels appreciated and willing to learn how to maintain a healthy relationship.
- Start from the Point of Respect and Curiosity
Positive or healthy criticism will often morph into a serious conflict when the parties involved worry too much about likeability. And while it’s natural for people in healthy relationships to want to be more likable, it’s not always the best thing.
Get into a healthy conversation with a positive attitude and a strong desire to learn. Also, ensure you start from the point of respect for your partner to develop a reciprocal effect. Typically, genuine vulnerability and respect tend to motivate your partner to replicate the same approach.
Even when dealing with a complex topic, your conversation can be mutually supportive. As a result, you have an ideal platform to air relationship issues and find amicable solutions.
- Concentrate on What Your Partner is Saying
People who don’t understand healthy relationship tips avoid criticism and tend to spend a lot of time rewording their thoughts. And while this may feel like a healthy way for preparation, the habit can hijack your mind and close communication channels. But the truth is that difficult conversations seldom go as we planned.
Ideally, you don’t have to talk much when in a tough conversation. Instead, focus on what your partner is saying, observe their body language, and reflect. For example, if your partner is behind schedule on an important project, approach the issue by asking neutral and supportive questions. Then give them time to explain while you listen attentively. The goal is to gather as much information as possible about the relationship without interrupting.
Only then can you ask legitimate follow-up relationship questions. Naturally, your neutrality and genuine attention will encourage your partner to elaborate on the matter. And to make this happen, try to mirror what they’ve said to show that you understand their point of view.
- Be Frank but Develop Mutual Respect
When conditions permit, approach uncomfortable conversations directly and get to the point. Aim to have a healthy, honest, frank conversation with your better half while developing mutual respect.
When you talk with honesty and deep respect, you are fostering healthy relationship habits even when the topic is difficult to handle. However, there are certain situations where we must consider personal and cultural differences. If your relationship is founded on conflict aversion and indirect cues, there are healthy ways to dispel a stalemate.
If that’s the case, change your approach to a respectful, rich, back and forth conversation. For example, if your partner doesn’t seem to grasp your point of view, encourage them to share how they understand the issue. And as they ponder on what you’ve just shared, try to adjust the core message to drive the conflict towards amicable resolution for healthy relationships. Even in the most challenging relationship criticisms, healthy communication tends to be less threatening to both partners.
- Complain, Avoid Blame Game
Frank A. Clark once said that criticism, like rain, needs to be gentle enough to nourish a man’s growth without destroying his roots. And this is a summation of healthy relationship rules and how criticism can be leveraged to build healthy relationships.
While you may have different definitions of criticism, it’s often destructive to healthy relationships. Instead of leaning towards criticism, try to launch a complaint and assess the differences in your healthy relationships. Mostly, criticism points to a character flaw in your partner, and it tends to focus on personality rather than dwelling on the exact thing your partner has done. On the other hand, a healthy complaint focuses on action, and well-thought complaints are necessary for healthy relationships.
From a psychological view, this approach is kinder to your loved one, and it also tends to be more effective. Ideally, criticism leads to conflicts because it thrives on two aspects that go against human nature. It demands submission and devalues us. In fact, most people in healthy relationships are ready to cooperate only when they feel valued.
And when you’re talking to someone you truly love, these aspects are most important. Your partner must feel valued even when under criticism. Otherwise, a conflict will ensue in your healthy relationships.
- Expect Positive Outcomes
You’ll definitely bump into problematic arguments if you approach criticisms and conflicts with a negative attitude. Instead of assuming that your conversation will be disastrous, focus on how the criticism can lead to healthy relationships.
Always focus on potential long-term gains for a healthy relationship. This way, your healthy criticism will be positive and constructive no matter the issue you’re dealing with. When we refocus our attention towards benefits and positive outcomes, our inner dialogue and thought processes tend to shift and become more empathetic.
Eventually, you will become better at approaching your partner when they fall short of expectations in the relationship. In turn, your partner grows more receptive to criticism because they know that it’s for a healthy relationship.
Final Words
Regardless of the affection shared between healthy partners, people don’t always think the same, and conflicts are bound to arise. But it doesn’t have to be disastrous to healthy relationships. And while it’s easy to believe that conflicts in healthy relationships are a red flag, they can actually cement your connection.
Just like unhealthy relationship habits, criticism can be destructive, especially when it’s meant to devalue and force your partner into submission. But if you’re a little conscious, you can build healthy relationships through constructive, respectful criticism. What’s your experience with criticism in relationships? Let us know in the comments.
Author bio:
Mrs. Green is a family photographer, and writes about relationship psychology. She's a wife and a mother of two adorable kids who won't get bored even for a minute. She completed a photography course in college. She's passionate about photography and writing. She loves personality psychology and to help the couples with advice on the relationship
